the wellstone thing took the punch out of mine, and i never managed to put together the costume i wanted to. have most of the parts, so maybe next year or something. anyway no parties tonight, and never been a big fan of the crowded drunken castro on halloween. just not my scene I guess.
its not that i don't like to dress up, but i think i like themes better, costume parties around a theme kind of thing, and especially when I can act it out as well. i hate pressure to be clever, and to put myself on display, because i'm rarely clever under pressure. that's what halloween always feels like to me.
sat night is dios de las meurtos, the day of the dead, my favorite "holiday," but i'm a little loathe to invite anyone to come along. last year was a bit of disaster basically missed the parade waiting for people, and then having to rush off to see some movie, no real effort to appreciate the nights solemnity or to honor the dead. still trying to recreate that time where liz andy nicole and i walked around. this year liz is gone, and i can't think of anyone else who'd appreciate it on that level. sure they are out there, even among my own friends
going to out together a little altar for wellstone and ximin's mother, and the dead in aghanistan -- no memorials to those civilians, not eloquent obituaries in the mass media for them.
i think the thing that scares me most about death is the idea that i will be forgotten. maybe that's why people have kids. i always had a notion that i'd be able to see everything that happens after i die, that that would be interesting in a "its a wonderful life" kind of way. but i suspect not, and that always kind of freaks me out whenever i take that in. Theres' life, there's death and then your bits and peices get recycled one way or another.
better go live a little tonight.