Tuesday, June 05, 2007

forward looking disclaimer

{The statement below is lifted from an actual press release. The names have been changed to protect its moronic authors, and perhaps the morons the authors might have felt threatened by, or perhaps the CEO who got them to write it in the first place. Is this as good as saying, "Just so you know, all the above is pretty much B.S.. Please don't take any of it to heart and try to sue us because we did not follow through." }

Statements in this press release
that are not a description of historical facts
are forward-looking statements.

You should not regard any forward-looking statement
as a representation by {some "forward looking" company}
that any of its plans will be achieved.

Actual results may differ materially
from those set forth in this release
due to the risks and uncertainties inherent
in {some "forward looking" company}'s business,
including, without limitation:

{some "forward looking" company}ís
reliance on its Web analytics services for the majority of its revenue;

blocking or erasing of cookies or
limitations on the companyís ability to use cookies;

{some "forward looking" company}ís limited experience
with customer intelligence applications
beyond Web analytics;

the risks associated with integrating the operations
and products of acquired companies
with those of {some "forward looking" company};

privacy concerns and laws or other
domestic or foreign regulations that may
subject {some "forward looking" company}ís to litigation or
limit the companyís ability to collect and use
Internet user information;

{some "forward looking" company}ís ability to
defend itself against claims of patent infringement
alleged by {some other non forward looking company};

{some "forward looking" company}ís ongoing ability
to protect its own intellectual property rights and
to avoid violating the intellectual property rights
of third parties;

the highly competitive markets in which
the company operates that could make it difficult
for {some "forward looking" company}
to acquire and retain customers;

the risk that {some "forward looking" company}ís customers
fail to renew their agreements;

the risks associated with the companyís indebtedness,
including the risk of non-compliance with the covenants
in the companyís credit facility;

the risk that {some "forward looking" company}ís services may
become obsolete in a market with rapidly changing
technology and industry standards;

the risks associated with renaming the company and
undertaking related branding activities;

and other risks described in {some "forward looking" company}ís
Securities and Exchange Commission filings,
including the companyís annual report on Form 10-K
for the year ended December 31, 2006 and
quarterly reports on Form 10-Q.

Do not place undue reliance on these
forward-looking statements
which speak only as of the date of this
news release.

All forward-looking statements are qualified
in their entirety
by this cautionary statement, and
{some "forward looking" company}undertakes
no obligation
to revise or update this news release
to reflect events or circumstances after
the date of this news release.

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1 Comments:

At 12:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the kind of tripe I translate. This, and disputes over money.

Feh. I need a Guinness and a sketchbook.

How's your hand, and what are you doing typing?

Steph

 

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